Sans scrupule is a special category of postings which are about experiences of mine, which left a negative feeling behind that I just need to get off my chest. This might hurt someones feelings, but I didn’t name this blog ‘Sophie sans scrupule’ to keep all my irritations to myself. I’m only being honest, telling my feelings and opinions, no truths, so if you consider my words to be the truth than that’s your problem. I’m being harsh here, I know, just one tip: comment if you have something to say concerning this and future ‘sans scrupule‘ posts. (ps. everyone can comment wordpress blogger or not)

Die Disco Fever
I went out, to a party, a party for gays, lesbians and bisexuals, together with a group of people from the local GLB-youth organization. I didn’t have any high expectations as I always lack with these kind of parties. Yes I’m lesbian, no I don’t like most gay music or other dance and mixes they play at these kinds of parties. I can manage though. Years ago I learnt to dance to this kind of music when the music played at my favorite bar in Venlo (near to where my parents live) went downhill, they had a dance floor there. When I first came there over 9 years ago, the music was amazing, alternative and still highly danceable. Yes I danced to Rammstein, also to Moloko and Korn … if I could put my energy and frustration in it I would dance it. That changed, not only did the music change, also my need to let out frustration passed. So to still have fun, because I love to dance, I learnt to dance to Beyonce, Outkast and the likes of them. My musical taste also changed from nu-metal oriented to indiepop/rock and eighties and modern new wave oriented, meaning to say that I don’t disgust pop but I still prefer guitars and alternative pop above manufactured unoriginal pop. I even love dance music like Underworld, Daft Punk, Fatboy Slim and Basement Jaxx. Though don’t come up to me with Dutch techno, revived 90s house music or any other bad dance music!
The thing is that I am a social animal too though, so although I know what music I can expect, gay tunes and bad dance music ow and maybe an Outkast or Justin Timberlake, I do go to these kind of parties to attempt a fun social night out. So when I went out with my GLB friends I didn’t went out to have a night of fun dancing. The problem is though that music can really influence my enjoyment of an evening like this, I do try to have fun and I do dance, but whatsoever I won’t have the best time of my life.
Now there’s another thing about these GLB-parties. As an inbetweeny, meaning not yet fully woman, and not to be considered male, not even gay male. This isn’t something I chose for and it isn’t something I like people to judge me on. It makes me insecure and a little bit anti-social. At these parties there’s of course also kids, yes kids, you are a kid when you’re 20 or younger. Kids whom think it’s fun to drink a lot and try to catch someones attention just for the fun of it. I happen to know two of them, because they’re in the same GLB-group in which I am, who were there accompanied by some of their friends. Among them was a gay boy, about whom I just want to state that he was a horrible dancer, and yes if you’re a horrible dancer who’s trying to catch my attention than I’ll simply ignore you. I’m a bit of a bitch in that sense. One of the two kids I know, both are girls and lesbian, happens to like beer and not just a little of it. I dislike beer, I dislike obnoxious drunk people, even when they’re women. What do drunk lesbian girls do whom have grown up to listen to bad dance music and the likes of Beyonce? Just for funs they ride their ass up to you, how enjoyable, NOT. My background of how I experience dancing has no connection to rubbing asses up to someone. 1. It’s too intimate. 2. Only persons whom I’d have no problem with if they’d do that would be my best friend Sabrina and if I’d have a girlfriend, my girlfriend. 3. Did you ever see people rub asses up to someone else at indierock or deathrock parties? No. 4. I’m not a kid anymore.
So the drunk girl put me in an uncomfortable situation, for which I could hate her, but I don’t hate people, I pity them. Now the other girl, who’s a bit younger than the drunk girl, thinks I’m interesting. She’s a beautiful girl, I’d even kiss her if I weren’t such a romantic fool. We’re worlds apart, even when she’s sitting next to me, not only because she’s a kid and her preference for pop and (bad) dance music. In our view of the world, of social life and probably the future she’s on a whole other level. That’s her right. I’m sadly enough not the type to invest in bridging these differences, as everybody I’m equally judgmental. Certain people really need to proof themselves, thinking of me as interesting isn’t enough. I can cope with the difference and do small talk, but don’t expect me to join your pleasure at such a gay party which is a surrounding which estranges me from myself and makes me feel displaced. I am not making excuses here, this is just the way I feel about it. If it were up to me alone I would have went to another party at Doornroosje with music I like to dance to, there’s a reason why I’ve never been to Inferno (where the gay party was) before! You now might question why I even joined my GLB-friends to this party, well when you’re with a group of GLB people you go to a GLB party. There we are among like-minded, is the notion. The problem is that I will never feel among like-minded when shit music is booming into my head, music means to much to me, but I don’t deny the advantages of GLB-parties, I just don’t like the music. So I go there for the advantages, which is among others for my GLB-friends to feel among like-minded, so they are comfortable and fun to be around with. Other advantage is the possibility of meeting a cute girl there, for the chance of her being open to me and romantically interested is higher than at non-GLB-parties, I think. Yes I did see some cute girls there . If I could organize a party though, I’d make it a normal alternative dance/indierock party open to everyone but especially for gay and lesbian folks. Conclusive question: will I ever go to such a GLB-party again? I will keep my issues with these kind of parties and the kids coming there, but I’m also still open to the suggestion of considering to join my GLB-friends again…. hope you understand what I mean. Yes I’m vague!