Deux mois, two months, twee maanden, that’s one month until this hormone treatment is irreversible. One month of my mom asking me if I don’t want to quit this treatment. It makes me sad. It shows her lack of support, her lack of respect, her selfishness. I live on my own, about 40 miles north of where my parents live, so I’m in the virtuous position of not having to hear her nag about this multiple times a week. Christmas is neigh though. This Christmas will be the first time that I won’t be flat-chested­. My parents still address me by my old name, this will have to change with Christmas too. I probably won’t make it easy on them, and my mom won’t make it any easier on herself regarding her attitude. This Christmas will be special for a change, I won’t have that taken away from me. There’s no turning around for me, so there’s none of that for my parents on this issue either, especially my mom will just have to accept this.

Ah well Christmas isn’t here yet, let’s just look back at these past two weeks, shall we! Physical developments are coming along nicely. I noticed my back having become more chubby, it doesn’t need to get worse though. Yes worse, a chubby back just isn’t sexy! Seriously I much rather have firmer breasts than a chubby back. Speaking of the devils, they haven’t been causing any real itchyness anymore since the 7th week. They can be quite sensitive at times though, so whomever hits me on my chest endangers his/her own life!!! Further down my torso I find my bellybutton disappearing into my belly, slowly but steadily it sneaks out of my view. It’s an odd but positive development. The only time when I had fat on my belly was when I was a baby. I’ve been a skinny bitch for ages, now I am a little less of a skinny bitch, though the bitch part hasn’t been proven yet. I hope I won’t be hunted out of my nicely fitting pants, already one can be disregarded for any future wearing. It has to be said though that this one wasn’t nicely fitting, but already a bit tight. I bought that one long ago when I didn’t have the increasing belly and bottom, due to hormone treatment, on my mind.

I’m trying to eat more, or should I say ‘snack more‘, to help myself gain weight. It could be that it will be fruitless, for I have always had a stable weight despite the ease with which I can consume snacks. Yes I feel guilty. And I know some people envy me, but this time I hope to gain the weight to establish a more rounded figure. Not only my back, butt and chest, but my thighs and hips surely deserve some of the benefits of femininity. My family genes might be against me. Both my mother and my sister are skinny on the hips and thighs so this skinny scenario is feasible. Although, that would leave more fat for the other parts of my body, my bottom, the lower belly, and my chest. No I’m really not in favour of having a back chubbier than it is now

Past two weeks not only showed an increase in body fat, but also an increase in number of bra’s I own. I bought my first 38A bra, sure it’s too big. This is why I also bought silicone push-up pads. Still that wasn’t enough to fill up my 38A bra. Luckily I already had some sort of invisible bra, which is also made of a sort of silicone. So with my 38AA breasts, the silicone push-up pads and the invisible bra I created my 38A breasts. It’s going to take quite a while I guess before I can fit in this new bra without any silicone help. I’m guessing the bra is meant for a full figure 38A, not that size A would give anyone a full figure.
A day after I bought the 38A bra I decided to keep my 38B bra’s in my closet for the time being. I came to the conclusion that 38A looks quite okay with my figure. So regarding going full-figured­­­(1) from January 1st 2008 I bought another 38A bra. Actually it’s the same t-shirt bra as the other I bought the day before, though this one is black. I honestly don’t have the likes for such basic bra’s, but it’s the only kind of bra which I can find in a 38A size. So I’ll be settling with these kind of bra’s for 2008  and probably most of 2009. Does it really bother me? No not the least. So the 38A bra counter is on 2 now, while my 38B bra counter is frozen on 11, though 1 really has to be discarded, being my first bra ever purchased 5 years ago. No hard feelings, but this bra is just too ugly and basic. My new t-shirt bras are far better! There, now you know it, you ugly old bra!

Now what you all haven’t been waiting for: my bra size measurement update. Woohoo, isn’t this exciting? How many millimetres do you think I have gained in 3 weeks? Well I already gave away that it’s still a size 38AA, but it’s the details that count! I have gained half a centimeter, that means my bust size is now 93.5cm, which is even more almost 37inch, to be exact it’s 36.81 inch. According to the 85B international bra size calculator I am supposed to have an 85A European size, but still a 38AA American size. I am somewhat more inclined to believe that I’m still an AA, not being able to fill up a 85A/38A bra. If the increase of half a centimeter in three weeks continues than I’ll be able to fit those new bras in 6 weeks, though that’s sheer speculation. I’ll just have to wait and see!

(1)
Going full-figured means that I’ll be wearing a bra (and faking as if it’s only real breasts underneath) from that day on every day, nothing else will change about my appearance. In my own opinion I’ve been full-time since September 2007, being myself (Sophie) in all my social surroundings. My unmistakable feminine appearance hasn’t changed since the beginning of 2007 so it was only a name issue to make public among people whom I know here in Nijmegen (others were already informed). Of course people didn’t regard me as female as easy as I wanted, nobody’s perfect, also I was still too much bothered by my facial hair and the inability to hide it with casual foundation. I’m not a huge advocate of putting lots of make-up on my face, putting it all over my face is something to which I object even more. Now I have a better foundation and my facial hair is slightly less visible for the biggest part of the day, (and I will start facial hair removal soon,) this has made me less feverish of putting make-up on my entire face. This isn’t a part of being full-time nor of being full-figured in that regard, but it will be part of my daily life from January 1st on, until the hair removal has done its job.
(Wow this turned out to be quite a long foot-note!)

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