So I’m finally at the point of no return, not that I’ve ever wanted to return, but still 3 months is one of the hormone therapy landmarks. I have survived 3 months, oh how difficult that was, so those months and year hereafter probably won’t get me down either. I’m still kinda ill, the fourth day, sore throat, coughing, a snivveling nose and a diminished appetite, but I’ll survive, though my intention to get on with my study has suffered quite a bit. So what’s been going on these past two weeks, beside being ill.

Well, I’m now clearly losing the smile lines, especially those around my mouth. Is it a loss? My biggest smile was always accompanied with greatly visible smile lines. The hormones have beaten them from my face, I hope to keep what’s left now though. These smile lines were part of me, just like that big smile I could put on, that big smile will never be as overwhelming if it hadn’t any smile lines. On the other hand, it is a positive sign of the change going on due to the hormones, as I’m visibly changing and people around me are clearly noticing it. I’m stuck with the question though if these changes especially in my face will be enough to convince people that I’m not a man when they see me up close? This question will eventually be automatically answered by future experiences, but I’m quite eager to know the answer to this beforehand. That would probably spoil a lot, so for now I’m satisfied with not knowing the answer.

Something that surprised me this past month were some hot flashes, officially they aren’t side effects of the treatment, but since I only had a few within one or two weeks and none before and none after I don’t believe I have to worry about some sort of structural hormonal imbalance.

A week ago I went to Amsterdam for the Humanitas ‘I am myself‘-group session, as I am now some girls in the group were ill, so we were only with three group members and the Daan and Marleen whom lead the group. It was a very pleasant session, also the first session since I started the therapy. So I talked a bit about that and we discussed the choices made thus far in the process and the choices which we wanted to make this year.
That evening I went to Hilversum for the birthday party of my best friend’s boyfriend and one of his best friends, it was a nice evening and night out, though a bit cold and with little sleep as one could have read in the two previous post, discussing the physical consequences. 

Also since last week I’ve been trying to go out more often full-figured than before. It not only means wearing the bra, but also putting on foundation each day I go out wearing a bra. If I really want to make my RLE a succes then I need to get accustomed to do so, okay I’ll be starting the laser hair removal on my face soon, but it’ll take some time before that generates enough effect to quit using foundation. I don’t know if my breast development is going to continue as it has done the past 2 months, so as long as it is winter and as long my petite breasts don’t seem to conflict with my unfoundationed face then I can permit myself going outside for some groceries without bra and make-up. Going out shopping or for visiting friends or appointments and stuff like that I will submit myself to putting on the bra and the make up. As soon as it is summer and the temperature will make me go out without a jacket I won’t be able to permit myself to do groceries flat-style, and besides I might be full-figured enough to wear the 38A bra daily.

Since this is also a full month update I will give you the latest figures of my breast development, which will also be the last for lets say half a year? Yes, half a year sounds nice, keeping up with millimeters of progress is boring and then again are these figures really interesting? To me they might be, but because it’s not smart to compare with someone elses development during hormone therapy, due to the fact that it differs per person how and in what degree the hormone therapy affects your body. So for the sake of myself here are the figures, my bustsize is approximately 95.5cm, it’s hard to get it exact because holding the measuring tape a little bit different seems to make quite a difference sometimes. In inches that makes 37.6inch, so if I’ve held the measuring tape exactly the same both times then the increase has been 2cm or almost 0.8inch. That’s what I mean, not interesting enough, and eventually I’ll probably have breast implants to get a modest B-cup, because genetically I probably won’t get much more than just enough to fill up that 38A bra. As promised though with my 9 month HRT update I will give some numbers again, that way there’s something to really look forward too *winks*.