Here I present you the third lyric that intensely touched the topic of my gender dysphoria, it doesn’t have the happy end as ‘Gloom‘ has, this is more about the disappointment in myself which I felt back then. Nowadays there is little reason to feel disappointed like that, a lot has changed for the better. Well here’s how it was in early 2004.

Paradox (never a queen)

She stood motionless, hoping for progress
she herself dismayed
there was no way to turn, there was no one to blame
it was her own concern
she was craving for more, while faking to be lost

She took a bite from the apple
acting as if it was poisoned
to the point she did get ill
consumed by her own guilt

She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox

She put a swan on her bed
acting as if she was bewitched
she hid herself underneath
languished by self-pity

She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox

She craves to be queen
but still . . . she believes in fairy tales
though wants . . . the happy end to fail
she’s living in paradox

She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox
She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox

What’s a princess if she’ll never be a queen??
She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox
She’s living in paradox
she’ll never be a queen
fairy tales won’t get her anywhere
Lacking all persistence
she craves to be queen
she’s living in paradox

(first written down April 2004)