Don’t we all NOT understand it? Love?

For over four years now, I haven’t felt love, haven’t been kissed, haven’t had sex. Solitary? My life, in a sense it was. I have friends, I love to see them and have fun with them and talk with them about loads of stuff, even sex. My memory of love and sex is fading by the day though, I don’t feel anything when I think back of it. It was all back in the time that I still tried to fool myself that I could live like a guy, I was hetero in that sense. What am I now, I still don’t like guys, but I’m a woman to the people around me, a woman whom loves women is believed to be a lesbian. I rather though love one person than love women. This is no re-run of  the previous ‘would you be my date’ blog, at least I hope to think so.

Falling in love, don’t we all NOT understand it? I don’t! I don’t even know anymore how it feels. That might be good though, because then it would most probably totally surprise me and make me feel lost and grabbed by my guts by a handful of butterflies. Would it be like that? As I said, I don’t know. I am a person whom needs to give love, but do I know what I really give then? If I’d be honest, NO, but for some reason when someone is in love with me and I love her back she’ll feel loved. That’s how it goes, no explanation, just how it is. Why nobody won’t make me feel loved is a totally different story which I won’t discuss because it would bring us on the topic of that previous post.
I wrote something on a site which has a dating section, where you can put up a little shout as you could call it of up to 600 symbols. It was simply to see if people would respond to it, because what I wrote is somewhat vague and deep, but it’s radically different from those other date-shouts up there. It’s in Dutch, but I’ll put it up here anyway.

De persoon, het individu, het karakter, de uitstraling, het charisma, als dat klopt, als dat je hartje doet kloppen, volgt dan de liefde?

Je oordeelt over woorden, hoe moeilijk is dat? Want bestaan jij en ik alleen uit letters?
En toch vraag ik ‘t van je, en toch doe je het?
Ik wijk af, ik heb een verleden en een toekomst, ik ben positief, ik geef en ik geef nog meer.
Neem je het van me aan, neem je me voor wie ik ben?
Ik ben de muziek waarnaar ik luister, de vrienden die ik liefheb, de lucht die ik adem, en waarom ook niet de woorden die ik typ?

Verklaar jij het mij … de liefde?

It can’t entirely be translated in English so I won’t do so. It comes down to this, also the last sentence, “Can you explain it to me … love?” It can also be read as “Do you declare it to me … love?”.

I am not sure why this came up in me yesterday and why I am writing about it now, but I guess because there is a need, which brings me back to that previous post!