A few months ago I sent out an e-mail to my extended family about my situation. The e-mail contained nothing more and nothing less than they needed to know. I don’t have any close ties with either sides of the family, they’re all kind people (though sometimes a bit loud). A few relatives replied to that e-mail, all respectful, which I can probably give my dad credit for.
So this past weekend my parents celebrated their birthdays together, so quite a bunch of family came over and it was their first time seeing me after starting hormone treatment and visibly presenting myself as female. I sat there with them all evening, except for the 10 minutes that I had to do some dishwashing. Over the evening I hadn’t noticed any negative responses to my appearance/presence. Not everyone spoke with me but that’s not abnormal with these birthdays. With a few relatives I had short conversations about me and at one instance I was in the spotlight of the general conversation, though that was quite early on in the evening so not all guests were there. In general I have little to no reason to complain about how my relatives repsond to me, yes it is awkward for them, but it is not like they cannot or do not want to deal with the my changed situation.
And as written in a previous post, even my grandma is eager to be true to whom I am, for which I really love her. Other family members might not be that dedicated to me, but so what, it’s not like I’m that dedicated to them in everything they live thtough. It’s good enough that they accept me for whom I am and at least try to call me by my name.
When I grow older I’ll most probably grow apart from them, I will have my own life, might just migrate and have my own family like hopefully my brother and sister will have too. They mean so much more to me, as will my future cousins then will mean a whole lot to me. I don’t mind growing apart from my parents families, I trust that they will have good lives in which there is no need for me to play a role. They will always keep thinking of me as that quiet nephew, no doubt, but I don’t mind, it’s part of what I’m going through. I can’t control everything, the only reason why I would want to control my relatives opinion and view of me is their relation to my parents. I do not want to be the reason why anyone would not want to see and speak my parents anymore. By the way, transsexualism isn’t that unoridinary anymore!
3 comments
Comments feed for this article
7 May, 2008 at 12:41 am
loriannetucson
Nice blog, girl. I’m also a transsexual who is going through similar situations. Coming out to my family one by one was quite the interesting ride. Most of them accept, some of them just don’t care, and one brother thinks all of a sudden I must desire and crave a man’s penis inside me. Different reactions indeed.
I look forward to reading about your journey as you continue. I’m 36, been on HRT for over a year now, and have a wife and 3 children.
Take care,
Warmly,
Lori Davis
7 May, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Sophie
Hi Lori,
my extended family were the last group which I came out to, and although I sent them all one and the same e-mail it turned out pretty ok, them seeing ‘me’ this weekend probably also benefited for how they see me. I think it’s harder to get when family knows but can’t see it.
I hope your brothers opinion of you will become more nuanced and I wish you all the best on your journey. Also, I will continue to read bits and parts of your blog here on wordpress
Sophie
12 June, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Manolia
Hi Sophie,
You seem to be a very genuine and incredibly smart girl.
I live in Glasgow, Scotland, but spend 15 years of my life in Holland. Lived in Amsterdam and Amersfoort. I am 33 years now and will be finished with all my surgeries within this year. Although I was aware of my sexual identity, I could not do it in Holand, because my family and environment are very conservative and non accepting for this kind of change. I had to leave Holland and come to Britain. here I finally started my transitioning far away from the conservative and hostile clique in Holland. studied here film production and I am currently filming the stages of my physical change. been on the hormones since april 2007. I have done hair removal all over my body. since my skin is pale and my hairs are dark, the laser treatment has been quite succesfull. my legs, arms, bikini, chest and face are practically cleared. spend two years and 10.000 pounds for this! and I did 12 sessions on each part of my body. now it is far cheaper because you can buy a whole package for your body for 2000 pounds and use six sessions for eache body part. had the money and used it, you know. Then I started saving for my facial surgery. Next month (July) I am flying to Istanbul, to have cheekbone implants, eyebrow lift, upper lip lift, nose reduction and fat fillings in cheek area. I have considered Thailand where those procedures are cheap and of good quality, but I preferrred Istanbul, a city where I am from, after finding a good surgeon and agreeing with him on the costs and the procedures. Although I look quite feminine I consider a typical feminine look essential. This will cost me 5000 pounds. and then in october I will fly to Istanbul again for my breast implants, which will cost me around 1500 pounds. In december finally I will have my srs here at the NHS (british national health service, comparable to the genderteam of the VU) in Brighton, where all the srs’s take place, which is paid by the government. as you can see, all my surgeries will take place within the second half of 2008. I am glad to start 2009 as a completed woman. I am dating a man here, since I am a straight woman and he cant wait to me as a complete woman. I have quite a few transsexual friends in Holland, with whom I am in touch quite regularly. they update me with their personal experiences over there.
I am glad you made this website. I can recommend this to my trans friends in Holland. and would like to be in touch with you. you seem to have started your change roughly at about the same time as me. I have a lot of expertise with dealing with doctors all over the world about ffs and hair removal with laser and electrolysis. so just ask me and I can refer you surgeons for tracheal shave and hair line correction, only if you havent found them in Holland for cheaper price.
you look pretty and I agree with you that you just need trachea shave and as you think hairline correction.
so, take care and speak to you soon
Lia