Daily Archive

The direction of my life is still unclear to me, mostly because I do not embrace the perspectives my study can give me. In the previous post I mentioned how this has come to be, with on the other hand the more than ever feasable perspective to be myself in full glory. No one can take away my future of personal sefl-fulfillment, my future in which I can freely be myself, unfettered from the burden my body has been all these years. This is of course only part of my self-fulfillment, the other part in general societal understandings would be making a career and personal growth, gaining money and gaining wisdom. I’ve been told to be a wise person, I’m modest but I wouldn’t entirely deny that, my life gave me a certain point of view on the world and the ability and honesty to share this wisdom with the people around me. I do think that there is still a lot of experience which I personally need to experience to really speak of wisdom. And I would be really happy if I would also be appreciated for my wisdom, bedises for being myself and an honest person. What wouldn’t make me happy is being appreciated for the career I’m making or the money I’m earning. A career  will never be a personal goal, because I do not feel like needing to achieve for personal gain to be appreciated. Friendship, love and wisdom are the only things I want to achieve, those things aren’t for personal gain, they mean nothing if I’d only achieve them for myself. Career-making in this respect is an egoistic business, which will mean entirely nothing if it doesn’t involve at least two of the three goals of achievement I mentioned in the previous sentence.
Currently I am doing a study which does enable me to achieve wisdom, the wisdom of how our world and the people on it act in all kind of situations within international developement. I will also be able to reach out to people with my love for life, my love for human dignity, my love for freedom, etcetera. I don’t know if I will achieve love or friendship, achieving these isn’t an aspect of making a career. Maybe I’m too unrealistic, because a career in whatever other business won’t make me achieve both wisdom and friendship or love directly as I would want to. The most important future perspective of being myself in full glory, still needs another future perspective, namely one of having an amazing job, but also finding true love, starting a family, admiring the beauties of this planet. In this society I live in the other ones are hardly possible if you don’t have a job, so I will go look for a job as soon as I have brought myself to finish my study. Expectations are a killer for me I suppose, but what I will be looking for is a job in which I can be creative, share my passion with the people around me and have people in need benefit from my abilities to help them.
I do believe I can become happy and achive self-fulfillment in a job which doesn’t earn me respect for the money I make. I am, though, very much pleased with the comfort of a good life with an amount of commodities that will be needed to supported by a certain income. Money does increase happyness when it takes away worries like those which the people have whom are now being evicted from their houses in the US. These are basic things, and even when you earn a lot of money you can still be unhappy when you do not achieve either friendship or love or when you fail at it. There I will need to find a balance in my life, and I will not be worrying where I will and up with my career, as long as self-fulfillment is possible entirely I will not have to fear my own future. The hardest battle has been fought, and now during the cease-fire I am certain I will find peace with myself. In the meantime I will set out to achieve those other aspects of self-fulfillment.